Fragile

I am feeling rather fragile at the moment and little things are really getting to me more than normal.

So I am going to take a break from Blogger. I don't know why I am even writing this as I don't think anyone is reading anymore. This is one of the things thats getting to me.

I don't have any real life friends and now I kind of feel like my online friends have abandoned me too.

I know people have their own lives and stuff so don't think I am being a selfish bitch. I just am going through a rough patch and would really rather just not have this added to it all.

Not sure when I will come back.

Scared

No weigh-in for me tomorrow, instead I am getting my Implanon taken out! oohhh Am shitting myself a little. Me no likey pain.

I want to have a baby. LIKE NOW! Every time I see a baby in the shops etc I get all gooey. I held a baby at work the other day for a customer and OMG I almost cried. SERIOUSLY...

We have to wait though. We havn't even had genetic counselling which is highly recommended for Fragile X carriers.

Shit... shit... FUCK..

I feel like time is slipping away. I am 32. Not getting younger and a side-affect from carrying the Fragile X chromosome can be Total Ovarian Shutdown leading to infertility and early menopause.


FUCK... Sorry about all the swearing but I am sitting here next to my beautiful sleeping husband and I want to have his baby so bad it actually physically hurts me.

ok.. I'm ok.. I think..

HOLY SHIT!

I got a heap of hair chopped off tonight. It was a spur of the moment thing and I am kind of thinking it might have been a BAAAAAAD idea.

what do you guys think??

Silly quiz

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7am
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Cloverfield
4. What is your favorite TV show? Lost
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Porridge & coffee
6. What is your middle name? Audrey
7. What food do you dislike? peas
8. What is your favorite CD at moment? don't really listen to CD's
9. What kind of car do you drive? Kia Rio
10. Favorite sandwich? bacon & eggs with bbq sauce
11. What characteristics do you despise? selfishness, greed
12. Favorite item of clothing? shoes
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go? Egypt
14. Favorite brand of clothing? Cue
15. Where would you retire to? Australia
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? they are all pretty mediocre!
17. Favourite sport to watch? Soccer
18. Furthest place you are sending this? I'm not sending it
19. Person you expect to send it back first? as above
21. Are you a morning person or a night person? night
22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I REALLY want to have a baby and it might happen soon!
23. What did you want to be when you were little? lots of things, nuclear physicist, librarian, doctor, chef
24. How are you today? meh
25. What is your favorite candy? anything sour
26. What is your favorite flower? blue iris
27. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Billy's 30th
28. What are you listening to right now? nothing
29. What was the last thing you ate? Sherbet cone
30. Do you wish on stars? not for a long time
31. If you were a crayon what would you be? pink
32. How is the weather right now? Cold
33. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Billy
34. Favorite soft drink? coke zero
35. Favorite restaurant? Jaws
36. Real hair color ? mousy brown
37. What was your favorite toy as a child? matchbox cars, I was a tomboy
38. Summer or winter? winter
39. Hugs or kisses? gimme both!!!!
40. Chocolate or Vanilla? depends I like both
41. Coffee or tea? COFFEE!
42. Do you want your friends to email you back? N/A
43. When was the last time you cried? The other night watching footage from the China earthquake.
44. What is under your bed? nothing, dust.
45. What did you do last night? made dinner, played on flickr, usual thing
46. What are you afraid of? losing my family. being alone
47. Salty or sweet? both.
48. How many keys on your key ring? a million
49. How many years at your current job? 1 month or so
50. Favourite day of the week ? Wednesday - my day off
51. Do you make friends easily? I used to, but they don't tend to make the effort to stay my friend and I got tired of being the only one who made the effort.
52. How many people will you send this too? 0, its on my blog.

Dammit!

I bloody gained!

0.4kg. Am pissed off... but I was not 100% perfect this week so I can't say I am surprised. So now I am 700g away from that bookmark. Fucking bookmark. It haunts me!

I have felt like crap all day. Every now and then I get Facial Neuralgia which is basically nerve pain on the left side of my face. My ear, cheek and gum on that side aches for a couple of days and it sucks balls.

Anyway, apart from that all is good I suppose.

Can I do it?

Can I lose 300g tomorrow?

I weighed myself this morning and I have gained, however my scales at home are a little unreliable.

I really want that bookmark dammit!! And I want another Pandora charm! I have actually stopped wearing the bracelet because its so empty! 5 charms is all I have so I am punishing myself by not wearing it. I really should have lost a bunch more by now.

WE are supposed to be going to the movies tonight to see Ironman but I am so tired, I don't really want to. Ashley stayed home today aswell so he might not even want to go (doubt it though!!)

I havn't been sleeping alot lately. Lots of stuff going through my mind.

Well wish me luck for my weigh in tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

Regina Spektor

I urge everyone to listen to these songs. She is FANTASTIC!!!! I love her SOOO much!!

Wednesday Weigh in

After having so much chocolate this week I still managed to lose 0.5kg this week!

So just 300g away from that damn bookmark!! I will get it next week or I might kill someone!! DAMMIT!

I have the flu at the moment and feel like poo. Am in bed realxing!

DONNA! This is for you

This is the clip from the Late Show that I was referring to:

Sunday walk

We decided to go for a walk yesterday down to the Nursery near home. Of course I took my new camera!
We had a yummy lunch at the cafe there and then looked at all the pretty plants & flowers. I took heaps of pictures as you can see:

This is my BLT:


Ashley's lunch:


Billy & I shared this aswell (naughty I know)


The nursery:


Pretty flowers:






My favourite one is this one but its best seen in the large size so cop this link:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/electrongirl/2463776291/sizes/l/in/set-72157604876166111/

Stupid Hormones

I have fallen off the wagon so badly this week.

I have had TTOM for a week almost and am SO PMSing its not funny. I cannot stop eating! I have been scoffing chocolate like a woman possessed!!

I am so mad at myself but I can't stop it!

Stupid woman crap!!