Weigh-in

I lost 1kg. Not too bad considering I am sooooo bloated!! Stupid period!

So now I am 800g away from my bookmark and I have to wait 2 weeks before I can weigh in again.

I will bloody get it at next weigh in or I am going to SCREAM!

DAMMIT!

Woke up this morning all crampy and bloated... yep TTOM has come! Oh wonderful! Could have waited just 1 day, but no it has to come now on weigh in day.

So I highly doubt I'll get my bookmark today. And next week I have to miss my meeting as the girl I swapped with already had an ultrasound appointment booked in for the Wednesday.

Oh well, I should know not to expect big things anymore!!

Will fill you all in on how it goes later.

YUMMMMMMMM

Last night I chopped up a bunch of veges: carrots, celery, broccoli, zucchini, onion. The put it all in the slow cooker with a few chicken breasts, tin tomatoes, vege stock, soy sauce and left it on low over-night. Woke up this morning to the house smelling WONDERFUL and this:



I am having it for lunch and dinner!!

In other news its Ashleys 14 Birthday today and also the first day back at school! 14! I feel so old!!

Private Blog

Ok, I have decided to keep a private blog again.

I am totally fine with people reading about my weightloss and stuff but I am starting to feel a little uncomfortable with the whole world knowing all my personal stuff aswell.

Now there are a few of you who will get automatic invites to my private blog, but of anyone else out there wants an invite, let me know and if I feel that I can trust you with all my crazy crap you'll get access too.

So let me know your email addresses & I'll add you.

electrongirl@iinet.net.au

Thanks peeps

I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!

Minding my own business today at work when suddenly there was a loud crash and we went to investigate and this is what I found:






Other than that was a pretty uneventful day. Oh and I found a sleeve of Zoloft that had 4 pills in it so I took one last night so am back on the meds and have an appointment to see the doctor to get some more.

Am planning on making a big pot of vege soup to try to help me get that damn bookmark this week!!

Battlestar Dramatica

Thats me!! A huge big spaceship with mental problems!! hehe

Anyway, I am feeling better today. A weekend of crazy mindblowing sex with my husband has helped!

Sorry to be so personal but since I went on the ole mind drugs sex to me has been as appealing as doing the ironing. The last few days I havn't been able to keep my hands off Billy, which he is very grateful for.

So I am screwed either way... take drugs and have crap sex but feel better and stop binging, or stay off drugs, have great sex, eat myself into oblivion and feel like I am losing my mind!! weee so hard to choose.

Nah its ok, I am getting back on the pills, dammit!! hehe

Thanks to all those who commented on my last post. I was starting to feel like no one read this anymore and the state of mind I am in at the moment really let that get to me.

I don't have any "real life" friends so you guys are all I have....

love yas all!!

Slip sliding away

That's how I feel at the moment... like I am slipping down that mountain that I have been climbing.

I had made it up so far, I could see so much.

I stupidly allowed my meds to run out and now I am paying the price. My appetite has returned with a vengeance and I have gained about a kilogram. I can't stop eating and its making me feel worse. I have been snapping at Billy for no reason, poor beautiful man, he is so damn understanding.

I have a morning weigh-in on Wednesday and goddam it I want my book mark. I have to lose 1.8kg to get it. Now the fact I "gained" 1.4kg at my last weigh-in which was a night meeting, it is doable if I get my ass into gear and really stick to my calories.

I think I've lost most of my readers, not that I had that many anyway.

oohh bugger

I ran out of Zoloft a couple of days ago and I don't have a repeat and I can't get one until my next day off on Wednesday.

Withdrawals are not fun..............

Fade into you

I dedicate this song to myself. I always have when I felt like this..



I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath thats true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
Youll come apart and youll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with whats not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

A strangers light comes on slowly
A strangers heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think its strange you never knew
I think its strange you never knew

A New Day

OK first of all, I want to make it clear that in my last post when I said I wanted to throw up after weighing in, I meant I felt sick in the stomach, not that actually wanted to throw up bulimia style.

When I am upset it goes right to my stomach, hence why I am not an emotional eater usually.

Anyway, the girl I work with currently has Wednesdays off and I have Fridays off and she was asking me if there was a morning meeting on Wednesdays and my leader happens to have one on Wednesday mornings and she said that she doesn't mind swapping days with me so I can go to morning meetings!! Isn't she awesome!!

So from next week I will be going to morning meetings again.

Imagine the loss on the scales next week!! hahaha

So I am feeling much better now.

Last night I was feeling very down.

Fuck you scales

I won't let you mess with my head.

I can handle this 1.4kg gain.

I can get over the fact that I should be holding my 5kg bookmark tonight.

Instead I felt like throwing up after weighing in and was on the verge of tears throughout my meeting.

hhhmmmmm

I'm sitting at work kind of dreading going to my weigh-in tonight.

I have always gone to a morning meeting and this is freaking me out. I feel so out of my comfort zone. I don't understand why its affecting me so badly but it is.

I caved and ate a mini lemon merangue pie today and I feel so guilty about it. I am not normally an emotional eater but I think I do it when I am feeling powerless.

I really REALLY don't like the idea of weighing in at night. I seriously have issues right??

I really wanted my 5kg bookmark. I know I won't get it this week.

I am obsessing over this sooooo bad.....

god... I am an idiot..

My hair

They didn't really do much. Just the regrowth and a trim. But they did straighten it nice.

So anyway..

I have decided I am going to change my WW Meeting to Monday night. It's the same leader as my regular meeting which makes me happy as I love her to bits.

Only problem is that its AFTER the weekend and also at night so the first weigh-in might be a bit devastating to say the least!!

I tend to weigh at least a kilo heavier at night, so I am a little scared as I am so close to that 5kg loss. Oh well, these things are here to test us are they not.

I am getting my hair done this afternoon and might put up piccies.

Its weird having 1 day off then working the next day... But last night Brooke let me go home at 6pm which was good, I wasn't looking forward to a 12 hour shift!!

So this weekend I will have to be extra good!!

Love to you all!!

Not bad for 92kg

Schmexy, originally uploaded by electrongirl.

This was taken in September 2006 when I weighed around 92kg.

I look pretty good though!! Its amazing what good lighting & make-up can do!!

BALLS!

So my boss goes to me this morning "Oh you know how you said you need saturday mornings off, well I can't do that for a couple of months."

I'm like WHAT THE FUCK! So I go and put out the signs and start crying like a bitch. I come back into the shop and sit at my computer and try to pull myself together and he comes over to me and asks me if I am ok, so I start blubbering again and tell him he wouldn't understand why I was upset. And he asks me to please tell him and to think of him as not a boss and just a person.

So I explain to him that for the first time in 8 years I am so focussed on my weightloss and that I am doing so well and that I don't want to have to stop again.

So he tells me he thinks its fantastic that I care so much about my health etc and that he wants to help me as much as he can, but as he only has 1 experienced person at the moment he can't give me half the day off on Saturday, but he said if I want to change my day off I can.

So I went onto WW and found a meeting on Friday, my original day off. I am a little sad still though as I really wanted to share this with my original leader.

Nothings ever easy. Oh and the pay is less than what he first said aswell.

Sigh..... but there is no stress and its cruisy and close to home....

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!!!

ok.....

so.....

This Saturday could possibly be a BIG freaking milestone for me.

Let me fill you in on why first. I first joined Weight Watchers in 2000. I weighed 67.5kg. Back then I thought I was HUGE!! haha what I would give to be that weight now.

Anyway, I gave up that time after about 10 weeks of hovering around a 2-3kg loss. I joined again not long after and pretty much did the same thing. This continued on for the past 8 years. In that time my weight with WW got heavier and heavier. Although in 2005 I did manage to lose 20kg without trying, but there were alot of things going on in my life that came before eating, sleeping etc at that time.

Anyway, getting back to topic at hand, I always quit WW after I had a big gain or I got disillusioned or my motivation just went awol. Either way I never got that 5kg loss Bookmark. To me it is an allusive "Holy Grail".

Stupid? Perhaps... I don't give a fucking shit! I want that bookmark. I will have that bookmark. Then I will get the 10kg star, the 15kg star and so forth.

This Saturday may well be the day I finally make it.

The thought of it freaks me out.

First day

Woke up this morning with the worst headache. Had so much trouble getting to sleep and kept waking up. Billy was the same. I reckon it was from the crap we had for dinner!

I didn't end up going for the walk as I felt like death and didn't want to make it worse for my first day on the job.

It went really well by the way. The girl I work with is really nice and she is so laid back!! hehe

The store doesn't get crazy busy either which is good.

I also spoke to my boss about Saturday mornings and he said its totally fine for me to start at 12pm on Saturdays!! WOOHOO! I am so stoked about this!

I have also been participating in the 365 days of self portraits on Flickr, thanks to Donna!!

Here is my day 9 pic:



check out my other pics too. I have heaps on there and would love people to check them out and comment!!

Love yas all!

Ironic

I could stay up quite late tonight if I wanted to. I don't have to get up as early as I used to.

But I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

And its earlier than I usually go to bed!! haha

I was so so naughty and had McDonalds for dinner tonight. I haven't had it in ages and couldn't be buggered cooking.

So naughty. Will definitely have to go for a walk in the morning now!!

Advice on exercise needed

Ok, I am going to start exercising in some form this week.

I basically have 3 hours in the morning to do it and get ready for work which is right next to my gym. Ashley is on school holidays so I don't even need to get him ready in the mornings so I have NO EXCUSES!!

I am very unfit and am scared! What should I do? Should I go to the gym and use the treadmills, bikes etc or should I go to an actual class?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

Lowest weight in a year

I weighed in today at 83.7kg at my meeting. Last year I weighed myself at home everyday and wrote the weight on my calender. My scales at home weigh 600g lighter than WW scales and I weighed in at home at 83kg. Thats the lightest I have been in over a year!

I lost another 0.6kg this week. So a total of 4.6kg. So damn close to my fist mini goal. The bugger of it though is that I have to work on Saturday so I won't be able to go to my meeting!! DAMMIT! I think I have to talk to my boss and see if there is anyway possible I can start later on Saturdays or something.

Hope everyone is having a good day.

<3

I would have thought it would be worse than that!

Your Body Image is 48% Unhealthy, 52% Healthy

You may think you have a normal body image, but you definitely don't. While you may not have a serious problem, you obsess over your looks way too much.

How's Your Body Image?

Pretty close

You Act Like You Are 31 Years Old

You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! You're responsible, wise, and have enough experience to understand a lot of the world. You're at the point in your life where you understand yourself pretty well. You are figuring out what you want... and how to get it!

What Age Do You Act?

Well I just turned 32 so not bad!!

Post Crazy

Yes I know I have posted like 3 entries in the last hour or so but shut up!! haha

I just had an amazing milestone.

I bought a pair of boots last year that didn't do up all the way as my calves were too big. I was about 92kg when I got them.

I am 85kg now and just happened to notice them tonight and thought I'd dare to try them on.

What do you know:

A Dilemma

ok so my new job begins next week and as its retail I have to work on Saturdays, which is a bugger because my WW meetings are on Saturday.

Now I could change to a weeknight meeting but I always weigh heavier at night so the first week its going to be a gain. Plus I really prefer weighing in first thing in the morning.

I am going to talk to my boss and see if there is anything that can be done about it as I really don't want to stop WW. I have this thing in my head that I will get to my goal this time and I won't quit.

I have quit WW so many times before and I feel like such a failure because of it and I really really want to make it this time.

*sigh* It's all too damn hard...

I was bored

You Are a Comma

You are open minded and extremely optimistic. You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything. You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests. You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time. Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to. (But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.) You excel in: Inspiring people You get along best with: The Question Mark

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

I'm sorry what?

HOLY SHIT!

I love that song btw!!

FREE!

I quit! And I didn't have to give any notice because I am still on probation so I have a few days off before I start my new job.

Basically I will be working in a phone shop, selling mobiles etc. The hours are awesome, I don't start till 9am!! So I can exercise in the morning!! YAY!!

I also get a mobile provided! yeah baby!

But I have to work Saturdays which is a bugger as thats my WW weigh-in day. So I might have to change meetings.

I quit bitches!

We had to go down to the shops this afternoon to get a couple of things so I thought I'd go and see the manager of the shop and ask him if I definately have the job as I wasn't 100% sure if I did.

When I asked him he was like "Oh yes yes definately! I just need to figure out when I need you to start etc." Phew!

So I am going to hand in my notice tomorrow to crap job. I am still on probation at this job so I wonder how much notice I have to give. I hope its not much.

So I am soon to be a Telstra selling mofo. Where I do I hand in my soul??

mwah hahaha

Trial Day

01/365, originally uploaded by electrongirl.

So I had a trial run at the new job and it all went fairly well I reckon. The girl I worked with is 18 weeks pregnant so she is the one I will ultimately be replacing. She is really nice and helpful.

The manager said he is going to call me on Wednesday to tell me when he wants me to start which is a bit of a bugger as I really want to know so I can hand in my notice at crap job.

I might just do it anyway!! haha

I did my hair all pretty this morning and wore make-up so I thought I'd take a picture with my laptops camera. My hair looks awesome today!!

4KG GONE FOREVER!!!!

I weighed in this morning and lost another 0.7kg which makes me total 4kg. 10 weeks its taken me to get there. Not too bad I suppose.

1 more kg and I finally get my 5kg bookmark and new Pandora Charm. I also got my 10 week star pin today too!! YAY!

It's rainy and cold in Perth today and we are about to go have brunch at our favourite cafe.

Hope everyone is having a great day!!

Stolen From Donna

1. Go to http://www.flickr.com/
2. Type in your answer to the question in the search box
3. Use only the first page
4. Insert the picture into your Blog

So here goes.......

1. What is your current relationship stat? A: "Married"

2. What is your current mood? A: "Nervous"

3. What is your favorite band/singer? A: "Coldplay"

4. What is your favorite Movie? A: "The Princess Bride"

5. Where do you live? A: "Canning Vale"

6. Where do you work? A: "purgatory"

7. What do you look like? A: "a blob"

8. What do you drive? A: "Kia Rio"

9. What is your favorite TV show? A: "Lost"

10. Describe yourself? A: "unhinged"

11. What are you doing today? A: "being lazy"

12. What did you do last night? A: "stressed out"

13. What is your name? A: "Nikki"

Sooooo

I applied for that job and I think I pretty much have got it.

I went down there to hand in my resume and the manager/owner was there and asked if he could have a look at it while I was there and sit down with him.

He saw that I had worked in the industry before and was impressed. I told him about my experience and we chatted about the job and he said he had a good feeling about me and that he'd like me to come in on Saturday to meet the other full-time girl.

So I think I may have it!! He was going to call me back but I havn't heard back yet, but I'm not panicking yet.

Cross your fingers for me!

My head hurts

I had the worst headache at work today so I turned off all the lights in the office and worked in the dark. It was so funny.

I am seriously hating my job at the moment. There is a job going at the local Mobile Phone store which is a 5 minute drive and 20 min walk from home and I am seriously thinking of applying for it.

I bet the pay isn't as much as I am making at the moment, but god it would be a better environment.

I wonder should I apply for it?

What do you guys think?